Thoughts and Breastfeeding

Lil princess is turning one month next Monday.

How time flies!

Which also signals the end of my confinement soon.

Wonder if it is actually good or bad. Good in the sense that i can wash my hair daily, use the fan, go out and do some stuffs which are not possible to be done during confinement....and yes i really really miss my bubble tea!!

Can't imagine i haven't tried a single KOI or GONG CHA bubble tea even though i promised myself at least a cup before i went to delivery. No chance.

Bad in the sense that i have to take care of little gal at night in between milk pumping sessions.

Nowadays i try to latch girl as much as i can...I hope to continue latching her till as long as i continue breastfeeding. Not just pumping alone. I regretted not latching Kyan as much when i was breastfeeding him last time.

But could i really do it? As this princess of mine is quite impatient when latching. Once i miss the "window of opportunity" during the latch on tuggle process, she will cry and scream out loud. What do i mean? Simply because she will cry and scream immediately when she fails to latch or suck successfully, and i have to catch hold of the "right" moment to latch her on as fast and as quick and as accurately as i could! *faintz* Once she starts struggling and crying, all else fails. Need to calm her down first and most of the times it doesn't work.
And did i mention she refuses to latch onto my right breast? Yes she has preference only to the left one. I admit I am always stressed during the breastfeeding process, sometimes to the point i would break down and cry when she totally refused to latch and scream and cry or do a tug of war with me. Thats how tired and stressful it gets.

But one thing to thank for is my milk supply. So far, it is going on pretty well. My freezer is getting full and its time i should perhaps start donating or giving the packets away to free up space for the newer ones.

I always have oversupply of fresh stock in my fridge compartment as well so the freezer packets are not touched yet.

Just hope i could breastfeed till at least a year. Not easy, but i will try...just for the sake of this little one. I told myself as long as i am blessed to have the supply, i should continue.

My Labour Story - Part TWO

Reported to the labour ward at 4.55pm.

The nurse who came to me was so nice and friendly. She even tucked my arm under hers while strolling me to the delivery room. She commented my tummy was so big when i stood on the weighing scale. LOL.

Ok, so i got changed, laid on the bed and the CTG monitor was strapped onto my tummy to monitor the contractions and baby's heartbeat.

The nurse said she has to check whether i was in active labour. A vaginal examination (VE) was done and the answer was out.

3cm dilation already.

The nurse asked me...."u don't feel any pains"? I said...."not really leh...". She was kinda surprised i think. LOL. Anyway with a 3cm dilation, she commented i am in active labour already. However, baby was still quite high up the cervix so the waiting game starts. Dr Woo was called to the hospital.

The nurse said since i have a history of fast labour, this one most probably is too. So the other nurses started to get things ready. As i witnessed the scene of nurses preparing and getting ready the things for my baby's arrival, it started to dawn on me that shucks, i am in labour. So scared! My MIL thought it might be false alarm and even asked Kun when we going back home? He said, i am about to give birth!

At 5.10pm, a pill was inserted for me to clear my bowels. The nurse asked me to hold it out as long as possible. I held out till 5.20pm and rushed to the toilet liao. Cannot tahan le!
Wah, thats when the cramps (or now contractions) started to get a little more intense. It dawned on me that this is the start of labour pains. But i bear with it as i cleared my bowels.

After the process was done, I was strapped to the CTG monitor again. This time round, the nurse said i cannot get out of bed.

I was given the drip (yucks. needles) and had to draw tubes of blood since i am donating my cord blood. Kun was monitoring the contraction chart. The contractions were still quite far apart, about 20mins or so. Nurse checked on dilation again. Still 3cm. I asked for the Pethidine injection on the thigh which hopefully, managed to give me some pain relief as I didn't want an epidural. I decided to ask for the gas mask too, just so it may also help me out.

There was a time when baby's heartbeat dropped to below 100! About 80 or so. The nurse came in and told me to keep inhaling the gas mask so baby has enough oxygen for her heartbeat to go up again. I was a bit afraid when she mentioned about the drop in heartbeat. I decided to be calm and slowly breathed in and out of the oxygen mask as directed. Thank goodness it climbed back up to the required 130 to 140+ range.

At close to 6.30pm, nurse check. This time round, 5cm dilation. Dr Woo came in and burst my waterbag. Wanna cry at that time man!! So painful! I don't recall it being so painful during my first pregnancy. I breathed on the gas mask too hard that i felt absolutely giddy and groggy afterwards. The feeling was quite horrible =(

As the time passes to 7pm+ the contractions just got worse. There was once when Kun was checking the CTG monitor and saw the contraction perked over a 100! I just tell myself to curb the pain by practising the right breathing techniques with the gas mask. Guess it does help. Kun told me i was superb in tolerating the pain with that height of a contraction.

There were a couple of instances i almost gave in to epidural. I wanted to just cry. I thank Kun for motivating me on during a contraction. He said, "If your mum can do it without epidural, so can U". Thank god for his words, i closed my eyes, nodded my head in silent acknowledgement before breathing in the gas mask while i felt the pain starting for the next wave of contraction. I told myself, can save $$ on the epidural. Moreover this will be my last labour and i want to experience what a true labour is.

I must admit, the nurses' words made an impact on me too. When i wanted to cave in to epidural and told the nurse i was scared, she said, "too late already la dear" (since i was already over 5cm dilated) and just said...."Can la, just use the gas mask" WAH, without her "harsh" words, i wouldn't be able to carry on.

7cm dilation. Can i have the epidural please?!?!?!?! I cried in pain. Another nurse said, "ok i check your dilation and see how". 7 cm this time. Said my cervix very thin already, no need and no time for epidural anymore.
After a while, the nurse said she will stretch my cervix. WAH Pain pain!!! Then she said, "Ok can deliver already" as she started to stretch my legs wide in preparation for the pushing.

This time i started to cry real bad and kept saying its so painful. The nurse even told me..."no choice la, labour sure pain de". HAHA. Imagine someone saying that to you when in pain. As i waited for my gynae to come i felt a strong urge to push!! It felt like a major constipation!! The nurse said i had to stop using gas mask already and i was horrified! Can i do without it when pushing?!

Dr Woo popped by quite fast. And i started pushing with all the might i have. The nurse shouted PUSH PUSH! and two nurses helped to push on my tummy. I guess the shouting from the nurse may have freaked the mummy in the other labour ward lol. But i did not scream at all as i knew i had to preserve the energy for pushing and breathing. All i remembered was, there were three very intense waves of contractions where i had to push to get rid of the pain, they stopped thereafter for about a min then hit again where i had to push again 3x. I guess these contractions are meant to assist the baby out of the birth canal. I remembered in the midst of waiting for the next contraction, i felt my baby's head/body was half dangling outside. HAHA, sorry to be gross. Crowning i suppose?

At 7.58pm, little Kaelyn was out after about 9 pushes.

It was a truly traumatic experience, albeit a super worthwhile one. I am glad i didn't have the chance for an epidural. While the nurse cleaned Kaelyn, i can't help but grin from right to left. The satisfaction in my heart was beyond words could ever describe.









Welcome to the big big world little Kaelyn =D

Weight: 2.358kg
Height: 45.5cm

My Labour Story - Part ONE

I have been asked this question every now and then for the past couple of weeks. When is the baby popping? I started to reply with the same standard answer each time.

ANYTIME.

I was praying and hoping that mei mei will come out as close to EDD as possible (19-Feb-11) but i guess she can't wait to collect ang baos sooner so decided to pop out 12 days early (7-Feb-11). But still a bunny baby as i wished for. I am just thankful she's born healthy though small.

On the afternoon of 7-Feb-11 (Monday) i felt the cramps as usual (in fact the cramps were rather painful a couple of days before that they actually affected my sleep). This time round, I do feel something was not really right though. The feeling was just sorta....different. At 1pm+, i decided to check out whether there was any spotting whatsoever since i fear that i may have some brown discharge or bloody show?

And then.....BINGO.

Brown spots and patches with mucous plug. Is this considered SHOW or a sign of labour i wonder?

I came out of the toilet and informed my MIL. Surprisingly, i was really calm about it. She said i might be in labour. The spotting stopped after that but came back again at 3pm+. Managed to get my gynae, Dr Woo Bit Hwa through an emergency number (since his clinic is not opened on that day - CNY) and he asked me to report to the labour ward.

I was in a fix whether to go immediately or wait till MIL fetched Kyan from the CCC at 3pm. I decided to wait since the cramps are not unbearable.

I then had coconut juice and a bottle of chicken of essence during that time. Waited it out with not much pains.

Kyan reached home and after feeding him milk, MIL and i set off for the hospital at 4.10pm.

Damn cabbies just won't stop cos its the change shift time.
I was basically cursing and swearing under my sleeves. Finally patience worn me out and i called a cab.
No one will actually believe i was in labour cos i looked absolutely fine, and so that probably explains why no cab will bother to stop.

Finally reached Mount Alvernia Hospital at 4.50pm.

Happy Lunar Rabbit Year

It has been way too long since i update this blog.

A lot of stuffs have happened, like Kyan went to childcare, mei mei's entrance to this world, CCY events, etc.

Kyan went to Sunflower Kiddyhouse (CCC) at Cecil Street on 17Jan. He was on half day in Jan and only started the full day program this month. It was heartbreaking to see him cry during his initial start up period. He came down with a flu and cough the following week and didn't attend lessons for about 2 days. And then the following week saw the CNY celebrations and the holidays where Kyan didn't attend school for a couple of days. Actually the centre manager has feedback to me that Kyan is an adaptable boy and he was already not crying during the start of second week! He even waved hi to the teachers upon entering the centre and i was so proud of him! Due to the long holidays we were afraid he was not able to settle into the routine again, but lucky everything seemed to be going on quite smoothly. The teacher even said that Kyan has learnt to feed himself one bowl of food which i'm rather skeptical since we never witness him doing so at home. But i guess we just have to trust the teachers ya.

Its the rabbit lunar new year 2011~! We had our reunion dinner with in laws (+ kun's uncles + families) at Yan Palace Restaurant. A week before that, we had our reunion dinner with my family at Lai Wah Restaurant.

At home before setting for the reunion dinner on CNY's eve

At Yan Palace Restaurant






There were some changes to house visits this year. We only went to my 大姑's place in the afternoon at about 1pm+. Kyan was surprisingly very well behaved and very happy jumping and playing around. Guess the CCC did play a positive part to a certain extent.

In the cabbie!

At aunt's place

Here i go round & round....swing & swing....


We set off for my 二姨's place and reached there about 4pm+. So happy to see all my relatives there.

Beng pose #1

Beng pose #2

Father & Son both wearing the same ferrari T-shirt

Starting from young (give ang bao)



With my mummy

PEEKABOO!!!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!

重男轻女...is gender really so important to the older generation?

If there is one thing that piss me off, its this.

I am just looking for an avenue to vent on.

I am the one bearing the child, so whatever gender i want, so be it. Even i can't decide so what makes U think and insist it is a BOY when my mil has told u otherwise? My mil based it on the Lunar Calender. What facts have u got to base it on? Your own thinking i suppose?

SHEESH. Just don't keep insisting it is a boy OK?

And don't (in front of me for goodness sake) keeps repeating things to kyan such as..."this is for 弟弟 in the future....弟弟 this 弟弟 that" when all of us have corrected him and questioned him umpteen times. He just won't listen. The thing repeats itself....again...again...and again. My ears have succumbed to this comment time and again.

So now, i'm 101% hoping my bb is a girl so he will shut his mouth off.

To him, one kyan (and one boy) isn't enough. Now he wants another boy whereas the rest of us want a girl. Wow greedy isn't it.

To me, boy or girl doesn't matter as long as he's healthy. I know i am guilty that i am bearing the hope this is a girl so he won't be happy, so i don't have to hear his comment any more and see the smile on his face. Even if this is a boy, i'm sure hoping that he won't adopt such thinking as his paternal grandpa in the future.

Please give me the energy to go on....

Boy just know how to pronounce and recognises "F" two days ago. He will go "AFP" by pursing his lips at the end. Super cute.

And he's learning his grandma by saying AIYA! whenever his grandma saw him pouring all his toys from the cart (by turning the cart upside down....so u see how strong this lil boy is). His own version of AIYA becomes "AILA" and "AHLA". Now he sees a mess of the toys on the floor he will go AHLA himself, when it is his own doing. Don't know want to laugh or cry.

On a side note, been feeling the cramps and spotting every now and then. Each day passed feeling the baby's heartbeat in my tum tum is just like a blessing to me. Days are so hard to get by now. I can recall the similar times when kyan was in my tum tum. Now that he is physically standing in front of me and i see him smile or laugh and his adorable movements/speech, it serves as a motivation for me to hold on, just for him to have a lil baby brother or sister to play with, and to imagine that i have yet another darling to hold on in another 9months time. Seriously, i fear that this day may not come, i fear the day i try and feel my baby's heartbeat only to find that there is none. I am so weak and fearful.

Now joo's accident makes me feel even worse, that pregnancy can ever be so vulnerable. Why is it that we can't be blessed with smooth and successful pregnancies? I hate to think of all these. I remember how frightful it was when i was carrying kyan. Each day, being a question of hope....each day, i just count and count till the day when my pregnancy will be diagnosed as stable. Each day....and yes now i'm facing it again with a heavy and fearful heart. Bless me.

I know i can always try again if i fail. But i really cannot afford to go through another round of MS all over again, now that i have started it. Each day, being a loss of appetite, a feeling of throwing up, cramps, vomitting, giddiness. For a moment i just feel like breaking down. Please give me the energy to go on....Please.

Duck Duck and Pa Pa?