重男轻女...is gender really so important to the older generation?

If there is one thing that piss me off, its this.

I am just looking for an avenue to vent on.

I am the one bearing the child, so whatever gender i want, so be it. Even i can't decide so what makes U think and insist it is a BOY when my mil has told u otherwise? My mil based it on the Lunar Calender. What facts have u got to base it on? Your own thinking i suppose?

SHEESH. Just don't keep insisting it is a boy OK?

And don't (in front of me for goodness sake) keeps repeating things to kyan such as..."this is for 弟弟 in the future....弟弟 this 弟弟 that" when all of us have corrected him and questioned him umpteen times. He just won't listen. The thing repeats itself....again...again...and again. My ears have succumbed to this comment time and again.

So now, i'm 101% hoping my bb is a girl so he will shut his mouth off.

To him, one kyan (and one boy) isn't enough. Now he wants another boy whereas the rest of us want a girl. Wow greedy isn't it.

To me, boy or girl doesn't matter as long as he's healthy. I know i am guilty that i am bearing the hope this is a girl so he won't be happy, so i don't have to hear his comment any more and see the smile on his face. Even if this is a boy, i'm sure hoping that he won't adopt such thinking as his paternal grandpa in the future.

Please give me the energy to go on....

Boy just know how to pronounce and recognises "F" two days ago. He will go "AFP" by pursing his lips at the end. Super cute.

And he's learning his grandma by saying AIYA! whenever his grandma saw him pouring all his toys from the cart (by turning the cart upside down....so u see how strong this lil boy is). His own version of AIYA becomes "AILA" and "AHLA". Now he sees a mess of the toys on the floor he will go AHLA himself, when it is his own doing. Don't know want to laugh or cry.

On a side note, been feeling the cramps and spotting every now and then. Each day passed feeling the baby's heartbeat in my tum tum is just like a blessing to me. Days are so hard to get by now. I can recall the similar times when kyan was in my tum tum. Now that he is physically standing in front of me and i see him smile or laugh and his adorable movements/speech, it serves as a motivation for me to hold on, just for him to have a lil baby brother or sister to play with, and to imagine that i have yet another darling to hold on in another 9months time. Seriously, i fear that this day may not come, i fear the day i try and feel my baby's heartbeat only to find that there is none. I am so weak and fearful.

Now joo's accident makes me feel even worse, that pregnancy can ever be so vulnerable. Why is it that we can't be blessed with smooth and successful pregnancies? I hate to think of all these. I remember how frightful it was when i was carrying kyan. Each day, being a question of hope....each day, i just count and count till the day when my pregnancy will be diagnosed as stable. Each day....and yes now i'm facing it again with a heavy and fearful heart. Bless me.

I know i can always try again if i fail. But i really cannot afford to go through another round of MS all over again, now that i have started it. Each day, being a loss of appetite, a feeling of throwing up, cramps, vomitting, giddiness. For a moment i just feel like breaking down. Please give me the energy to go on....Please.

Duck Duck and Pa Pa?