Please give me the energy to go on....

Boy just know how to pronounce and recognises "F" two days ago. He will go "AFP" by pursing his lips at the end. Super cute.

And he's learning his grandma by saying AIYA! whenever his grandma saw him pouring all his toys from the cart (by turning the cart upside down....so u see how strong this lil boy is). His own version of AIYA becomes "AILA" and "AHLA". Now he sees a mess of the toys on the floor he will go AHLA himself, when it is his own doing. Don't know want to laugh or cry.

On a side note, been feeling the cramps and spotting every now and then. Each day passed feeling the baby's heartbeat in my tum tum is just like a blessing to me. Days are so hard to get by now. I can recall the similar times when kyan was in my tum tum. Now that he is physically standing in front of me and i see him smile or laugh and his adorable movements/speech, it serves as a motivation for me to hold on, just for him to have a lil baby brother or sister to play with, and to imagine that i have yet another darling to hold on in another 9months time. Seriously, i fear that this day may not come, i fear the day i try and feel my baby's heartbeat only to find that there is none. I am so weak and fearful.

Now joo's accident makes me feel even worse, that pregnancy can ever be so vulnerable. Why is it that we can't be blessed with smooth and successful pregnancies? I hate to think of all these. I remember how frightful it was when i was carrying kyan. Each day, being a question of hope....each day, i just count and count till the day when my pregnancy will be diagnosed as stable. Each day....and yes now i'm facing it again with a heavy and fearful heart. Bless me.

I know i can always try again if i fail. But i really cannot afford to go through another round of MS all over again, now that i have started it. Each day, being a loss of appetite, a feeling of throwing up, cramps, vomitting, giddiness. For a moment i just feel like breaking down. Please give me the energy to go on....Please.